Barbie, Ken and $1,000,000

A friend phoned from Maryland yesterday eager to share details of a morning TV chat show in which a 78-year-old author shared with viewers that she had earned over $1,000.000 writing erotic fiction. One million dollars! ‘You could do that,’ said my loyal friend.

Oh, my. Could I? How does that author do it? How does she make her writing believable?

As we all know, readers will not be fobbed off, no matter how wild their imaginings might be; drawing the line very firmly if they do not believe what we write. They question the improbable, and throw down a novel in disgust if a scene defies possibility.

Happily for us aspiring to earn such big bucks, the author shared her secret – Barbie dolls. That’s right, with the help of long-limbed, pert-breasted, and bouffant haired, and oh-so -perfect, Barbie, and her long time squeeze, blue-eyed, six-packed; Ken our dear, almost octogenarian has sussed it.

The scene is set, the author’s bedroom. Barbie and Ken lie upon the satin coverlet, stiff limbed and wide-eyed, but ready for what comes next. Our author, mindful of the sexual shenanigans she wants to create, and unsure that such a position is possible, let alone legal, gets to work, bending and twisting those plastic limbs and arms, this way and that, until satisfied that YES, it is possible she hastens back to her keyboard, leaving wide-eyed Barbie and cute Ken seemingly spent.

 

So there you have it. The secret of writing successful erotica (if you don’t have the necessary flexibility, energy or a real-life Ken, that is)

 

Me? I’m off to ToysRus, toot sweet!

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